Above picture is one of my favorite ways to connect with others and build community- through my love of crafting!
Today I want to talk about something that’s been heavy on my mind for a long time now- which is the notion that we need community and to feel a sense of belonging now more than ever before in history. Not in a fear mongering way but in the sense that loneliness truly is an epidemic we are facing as a society- where the focus is more on connecting through a screen or social media rather than having real life relationships with people.
Why Does Community Matter?
To clarify: when I say community I mean- both the feeling of belonging but also having multiple, nourishing connections and relationships with others whether it be family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances etc. that you both see and interact with on a regular basis. Not only is community something each of us need to survive but it’s also what has propelled us forward as a society. Think of the civil rights movement, women getting the right to vote, what is happening right now in Minnesota etc. – community is a powerful social tool for change- and every ripple effect in history was created by a group of people all fighting for the same goal. Without having a sense of belonging or relating to people with similar values or even just interacting for the need on a human level- we’re left with loneliness, isolation, depression, and an increased risk of chronic disease like high blood pressure, diabetes, dementia, etc. This is because humans were designed to be social creatures, relying on one another to gather and prepare food, find shelter and warmth. The more our society leans on electronic devices for communication rather than face to face interactions, the less we are able to socialize, read social cues, facial expressions, non-verbal language, relate to people, problem solve together, lean on another for support, build for the common welfare, and more.
My Own Story With Building a Community
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always prided myself on being independent, and trying not to need anyone for anything- which I’m just going to come right out and say that this mentality is not healthy in the slightest (I’m working on it). I think in America especially we are trained to do as much as possible alone, and learn to rely on ourselves vs asking for help. In 2020 I experienced the loss of a few major relationships in my life and while I’ll spare you the details- losing those relationships really cracked open a part of me that no longer felt like I had a “complete” sense of belonging or community. Looking back, I realized that the relationships I lost were not relationships I ever wanted to have in the first place, BUT it made me see how much feeling connected to others and having healthy, sustainable relationships impacted my life.
Since that time, over the last 6 years I’ve really tried my best to cultivate what I view as a healthy social circle in an effort to find people with similar values that I can build a future with. Along with that, I’ve made it a point to also treat the people in my immediate proximity with as much love and care as possible- regardless of differing beliefs, to truly build a healthy ecosystem of relationships and social interactions with as many people as possible around me.
Here are some things I’ve learned and why I think it all comes down to showing up
In the last 6 years of putting myself out there to build community, I’ve realized:
- Community isn’t just about making more friends- it’s about showing up in big and small ways to all those around you.
- It’s dropping off cookies and a card for your neighbors at Christmas, celebrating wins at your company with the team, saying thank you to the mailman for remembering to bring in your packages, striking up a conversation with the grocery store clerk, or offering to open the door for someone at the gas station. It’s making food for a friend who just had their first baby, checking in when you know someone is going through something, or offering to volunteer at your local shelter.
- I know the above might seem like a lot- but those micro-engagements or small interactions help to form the sense of connection we all long to feel- like we aren’t just another number, but that we matter. Brief, positive connections with acquaintances have been shown to significantly improve social, physical, and physiological well-being. In fact, research shows that it only takes 40 seconds of having this type of positive or compassionate interaction with others to move the needle. When you walk past someone, say hello, ask how their day is going- even just doing that counts!
- Showing up is half the battle. We need to be present to foster community, not have our head in our phones at every line or waiting period. By being present, we open ourselves up to strike more conversation or increase the likelihood of having interactions we wouldn’t have otherwise had if we weren’t paying attention.
- On the topic of showing up- it is my opinion that everyone makes the statement “it takes a village” but doesn’t necessarily want to be the village. If you want healthy, nourishing relationships then you have to put yourself out there to foster and grow them! We can’t sit back and expect to feel connected, supported and cared for if we don’t make the effort to cultivate those connections in the first place.
(Shown above is an example of community building aka a picture of the Christmas cookies and cutie Christmas card my neighbor dropped off over the holidays with their cat on it- how precious!)
How You Can Foster Community in Your Life Today
Some tangible tips for creating the village, fostering community, and adding to the micro-moments that prevent loneliness and enhance connectedness.
- As stated above- start small. Start with your neighbors like everyone used to do back in the good ole days. If you have a favorite meal and make too much- bring them the extras. Bake some cookies and drop them off. Offer to shovel their driveway, grab the mail or water their plants when they’re on vacation, etc. anything to say “hey, I see you, I’m here”.
- If not neighbors, then strike up a conversation with someone in passing, in the line at the grocery store or your favorite coffee shop- just anywhere there is a micro-moment to connect, take that opportunity and check in with the person in front of you. If conversation isn’t your thing, hold the door open for someone, offer a person your seat at a busy restaurant if you’re getting up to leave, etc.
- Put yourself out there! Form a book group, wellness group, sewing circle, etc. and post about it online to see if anyone would like to join. Is it scary? Absolutely. You know what else is scary? Feeling alone. If this is too much for you right now, try it with your current friends and ask them to bring a pal to widen the circle and introduce new connections.
- Check in with your current friends, call them up randomly just to say hello, send them a text saying you’re thinking of them, bring them flowers if they’re going through a hard time. Choose a small but deliberate action that lets them know you care and you are genuinely curious about their life.
- If in person isn’t your thing- play a game that allows virtual interactions. Join a Substack community that allows for group chats. Comment on someone’s post via any social media page or blog post and you will find so many people to interact with. One of the good parts about technology is that it allows you to connect with anyone in the world- take advantage of this!
Above all, I hope what you get out of this post is that even the small things add up. It takes courage to talk to strangers, hold a dinner party, or start a social gathering but it doesn’t need to be that extreme to connect with others and begin to build a community and sense of belonging. I truly believe 2026 is the year we go back to un-plugging for the sake of connection and authentic experiences. If this resonated with you I’d love to hear from you! Are you also experiencing the call to create community? I know I am, and my goal for this blog is to begin creating that sense of community- even if it is online! I’ve already gotten to know so many people sharing my recipes and life- and in turn learning about their lives, struggles and shared common ground. So grateful to be here.
With Love,
Lexi
Sources
https://www.workties.org/post/small-interactions-matter-more-than-we-know
https://www.cnet.com/health/mental/theres-a-loneliness-epidemic-how-its-impacting-your-well-being
https://redwine.blue/okay-but-why-do-we-need-community-more-than-ever/